THE RUNAWAY

I gazed up in the sky and I felt the morning breeze

The sun would be intense despite the faintness of its streaks,

I grabbed my wallet and I grabbed my keys,

kick started my bike to follow no one’s lead

From all the things that I can live and die for

I wanna run away I wanna run away I wanna run away for sure

I keep a store of this feeling as I raise a gear high

I leave the city sleeping without bidding anyone goodbye

I drive down an empty lane and I drive down an empty side

I drive until the last thing I can remember is the ride

It feels like eternity it feels like an era froze

Which started with ferocity of emotions but in the end it had Numbness enclosed

From all the things that get me high that get me sore

I wanna run away I wanna run away I wanna run away for sure

I break the monotony as I put the bike to a halt

Drag myself up a hillside with no one to match my plod

I close my eyes as I lay back on the hillside

I figure I would feel nothing if my senses wer’ nt alive

I can smell the morning green I can feel the wind brush my side

But oddly enough I am vacant inside

From all the things that dwell and are uncalled for

I wanna run away I wanna run away I wanna run away for sure

Hours and seconds , they passed in vain

A tear rolls down the cheek , that’s the only sign of pain

I took a heavy sigh and sat myself up

Coz something in me just won’t let me give up

There is something in me, I always knew

There is something in me that gets me through

Something that marks my existence, something that I can assure

Something that completely makes me secure

From all the things that I can live and die for

I don’t wanna run away and this time I am even more sure.

The Unsaid. . .

Remember being sad, remember being hurt, remember being frustrated, remember how you cud not express.

Remember being with those people, remember having to reply, remember having to fake a smile remember how you had to suppress.

Remember defying yourself, remember defying your emotions , remember crying alone at nyt , remember how you have to search your way out of the crowd just to heave a sigh , just to take a breath away from all the pretenses .. The only breath that seems to be your original part. The only breath that you seek to give you enough strength to get back to the world.. the only breath that binds you to yourself … Ladies and Gentlemen , its not only by a gunshot , its not only by a dagger , its not only by jumping off the cliff but this is also how a person is KILLED .. A pretty fancy way to end the life eh ? Min by min and sec by sec. its like we live to kill ourselves. how much more dedicated can v be to something?

But that’s not the point the question here is why do we make it the end? Why do we keep it unsaid? Why dun we look for a closure in everything? Why do we keep running away from it? We cry we sulk we make a baggage of it and keep it in our backpack we live and then we open the baggage and we cry and sulk again. We always keep a constant reason of unhappiness. Why is it that when we are alone its only the sad and guilty things we retrospect on? There has to be a day of no regrets

Its ok to be weak its ok to be vulnerable but its not ok to be weak once you know it coz believe me your biggest strength comes by LIVING your biggest weakness not by avoiding it. next time when u r alone next time when you cry just cry to d fullest jus curse yourself to d end so that u give dat right to nobody else dun let the intensity drop .. Believe me you will be tired of yourself.. Then dump it dun make a baggage of it to linger on..lay back and relax and smile coz that is the battle won. . it oozes out immense confidence ..This gives a sense of victory.. It puts a smile so serene that you crave to b in dat state again n again and above all it gives a sense of knowing yourself better than others. it gives a sense of being one step closer to yourself .

At last m jus going to repeat what I said to a friend of mine

Future is born not from the remains of the past but from the ashes … burnt completely.. And with every acceptance the meaning of the ashes changes completely.

So let’s just stop lingering and start accepting.

I looked for calm I looked for peace

But I searched for them in sm1else’s meat

I looked for courage I looked for strength

But with no one arnd I dint even hv myself to defend

what made me so Ignorant of ‘ME’ What made me so lost

now that I ponder upon it , it seems to have occurred on a life’s cost .. on MY life’s cost

THE SENSE OF INDIVIDUALITY

They break you , they shake you, they take advantage of you . Its people eating souls of other people. But who is to blame? Them or you? Why do we do this why do we let it happen why dun we stop them? Is it because we are weak or is it bcoz we tend to find good in everything? Coz what else can drive you for that long what else can make you eat your frustration up? If its not for some good den what is it? No offence to people who have actually found something good but for others I cannot believe someone can be that HUMANE. Someone can be that defenseless. Someone can be that dead inside. Coz believe me its better to live in the ignonimity of being called a human rather than cutting yourself nine inches deep jus to figure out that you still can feel .. That you can still get hurt.

Believe me friends we live with ourselves 24 hours a day, There is nobody else who knows us better den ourselves. But most of us live for recognition in sm1else’s eyes. We seek approval from someone else. if you know yourself if you are confident about what u are doing, if the approval of someone else does not decide your life den you are the most righteous person even if you are getting screwed every day, everybody loses the right to pass a judgment on you but if for any moment u r just not man enough to be responsible for yourself then you have just lost the INDIVIDUALITY..

For everybody out there who has lost the meaning of INDIVIDUALITY, I just have one thing to say

Its not about you its not about me

Its about how the life is meant to be.

Its not about light its not about dark

Its about why we should never give up the spark.

Coz its not only your finger prints that makes you different from others but its actually the idea of your entire individual being. Why do we crave for others when we haven’t even estimated the real value of our life yet.How can we forgive when we are still guilty on our conscience when we are not able to accept ourselves completely? How can we stop being an individual?

If giving birth to a life is greatest achievement, if saving a life is the noblest deed done then valuing a life even if its yours is the biggest accomplishment.

The ocean’s depth or an Emptiness?

We are busy , we are occupied , we have every second calculated from minutes to metro station to seconds for breakfast and it goes to the extent that surprisingly or unsurprisingly we even have a calculated time to smile , to laugh, to be sad, to express. How often do we stop just because we come across a sight so simple n serene that it has the potential to redefine our definition of serenity but only if its watched? How often do we pull our cars over at a calm roadside only to lie back and to take a deep breath just to know how it feels to breathe?


We are just doing whatever is meant to be done , we are so engrossed in it that we dun even have time to ask ourselves that what is it that we are doing , why are we doing it and yes finally the million dollar question ..Is it making us happy? Are we happy? Is it merely the need? Or is it just convenient to be there? Because change never comes with a guarantee of being fruitful, it merely comes as an opportunity to be shaped as either good or bad. Happiness doesn’t come in regular supplies of bundles it doesn’t fly with the future but its wrapped in the present .But busy and defying as we are, we never try to unwrap it, rather what we do is we trample over it. We have earned everything but we still haven’t earned the confidence of an erudite mind and the sanctity of a peaceful mind.

I remember being kids for whom happiness was the only parameter to judge any situation. Those days have passed, we have grown with time but have we lost ourselves too? Growing was meant to be gaining something it was never meant for losing the most important possession we had, “the ability to be true to ourselves”. We are so much lost in defiance and pretences that we have stopped recognizing the reality even if its stark naked in front of us. We fail to understand that its not the life we are running from but we are actually running from ourselves .cocooned in the warmth of a shell we just live for that moment failing to realize that one day its meant to be broken.


Friends
When even our emotions pose as a threat
Then its either an ocean’s depth or emptiness..
The ocean even roars and makes it surface express
But there is just no life in emptiness, there is just no life in emptiness.

The State of Tranquility

When you have time to hear the wind gushing and rustling through the trees and feel it on your face, when the showers of first rain ooze unknown emotions out of you that you were never yourself aware of. When wet wood and sand smell better than your perfume. When you think that a small bird hopping in the rain is the liveliest sight you have ever seen., when even a washed rocky hillside seems to be a beautiful place to be and most importantly when you feel so captured by all this that you think that this is the end and this is how you want to end everything. This is peace, there is a sense of security, there is a sense of life and a sense of ending it without regret .There is a sense of not wanting anything else. There is a sense of eternal stability.

when you dun think that only intimacy and alcohol can cheer you up then that means you still have some sense to be in the melancholy, break it enjoy it and then revert back to it. Every breath taken gives you a sense of achievement. It penetrates so deep that you can feel it touch every organ of the body. It puts a never ending smile on your face, a smile that is not sarcastic, that is not bright but that is merely full of melancholic enjoyment. This sense of self sufficiency is something worth everything in your life and everything that is in your life the good part and the bad part together make it more worthwhile n existent . Ironic eh?

The Ineffable

It feels like everyone around you is screaming and you get this strong urge to press both the hands on your ears ,but even if you do so the screams neither end nor do they get any milder .you try to wave off , you try to sleep but you just cant make it not in the 'deafening silence' of the room. you feel uneasy , you try to get comfort holding pillows and changing sides but, NO LUCK.

What is this ?? out of all the feelings a human being is programed to have , what is this feeling?
you wish you cud name it , you wish you cud put a tag on it ,you wish you cud make sure that 'this' is what you are not supposed to feel. This is what has to be overcome by a REASON.
but there is just no reason to it. Either its this nonsense suffering an ugly kaliedoscope, a mixture of so many different things or its a bewildering blank.

what is it that is f******g your mind ? why can not you reach to a single thot out of all those hullabalooh and corner it ? Why is it everything or nothing?

you feel exhausted , you feel out of breath ,you feel dizzy ,you just lie down on nythin nearby. you stare anywhere on the roof wherever your eyes fall first. you lay like you neva wanna move like that is the most comfortable state you have reached after hours of mental exhaustion .you mind goes numb and so does you body for a while. N DAT IS THE END OF A LONG BATTLE.

but the question is if mind is the one trying to evade it and the one who is suffering the most , if heart is the one that has stopped recognising any feeling watsoever then what is it that is inflicting so much pain.

The essence of life

Hours and Seconds the time just flew ..

I longed for it like morning dew..

But never again will I get that time..

Not even sure how to make it rhyme..

But something is still there, something is still not dead..

As fresh as a flower and even more sacred..

Its not the memories and its not their spread..

M just so surprised to find that its the life instead..