AN AFFAIR WITH THE LIFE- THE PHOENIX

You have been there. . And just in that one hour of hell you have felt all sorts of human frailties and desperations that can ever be felt, drunk with fear and need .

NEED the most basic need of somebody who is worth to see you breaking down being there,

FEAR the most basic fear of exposing this side of yours to someone who is just not worth it merely out of desperation.

You cried your heart out . . you clutched your mobile thousand times to see if someone could reach you for diversion out of sheer luck , but having no guts to reach anybody with the fear of giving away . . Its true how resilience can be the biggest pain at times. . How the sense of righteousness can be the fuel to that pain but its amusing that to what UnGodly level that truth can still hold. . But above all it is commendable that how you can keep all this to yourself. . Believe me Friends being Dependent is the worst punishment you can give to yourself. . So you live or fairly endure that one hour with nothing but your soul beside you. .and then eventually Its like an era of all the sentiments froze upon you. It is like you have felt all there is to be felt. . There is just no feeling left that can claim your psyche and penetrate up to your heart . .no voice reaches your ears, no touch makes you feel alive. . It is like the biggest SENSE of Numbness of The Mind has taken over all your senses. .Iit takes few minutes for that stupor to break down and you know what comes out of that stupor. . A SENSE OF TRIUMPH. .It is so Godly that nothing can reach you at that moment let alone drag you to feel . . a sense that you haven’t let yourself down . . That you are not disappointed in yourself. . That you have been there for yourself. .and above Everything that YOU DESERVE TO BE YOURSLEF.

Friends,

An affair with the life doesn’t start with your first crush or relation but it starts with your first breath . a connection so deep that it penetrates the deepest corners of your physical and conscientious self. With every second passed, with every realization made you live a new BREATH. what is more to live .. if not a life .. What is more to claim.. if not YOUR life ?

Its more slender than the beauty you have eyes on , its slenderness goes with every curve that you stretch.

With every smile that you can pass and every compliment that you fetch..

With every second of brooding and every minute of perseverance..

Its there and its there adding a base to your existence..

You cannot put it aside you cannot name it..

Its one thing that is ideally and completely yours BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN CLAIM IT.

It began when Life chose you and now when you chose her..

For me towards the journey of life, this is yet another step closer..One more step closer..

A Load Off ..

Life is like a set of paradox clubbed together .you are supposed to be happy but not gallivanting. You are supposed to appreciate beauty and spontaneity but stay away from inebriated beauties. You are supposed to feel but not show, lock it up. You are supposed to be SELFLESSLY HAPPY (see what I mean??).well I wonder if that state really exists. Aren’t you supposed to be happy first in order to make the other person swept by your glorious charm? (yeah I know sarcasm is indigenous to me) Well sure you smile involuntary at a laughing baby.. Sure you feel full and light after helping a 60s cross a road, but the truth is all these feelings are like reading upcoming DU Novelists after Ayn Rand (with no offence to them ,they are doing a great job).. they are like Flings ..they come.. Exhilarate you for a moment.. and they are gone before you even blink your eye. They can be felt and enjoyed for a short while but they cannot be lived..so fellas now what you are actually left with and believe me this is the ugly part is the stark reality with its extant guidelines constantly messing with your head. What should I do of my Boss sucking the life outta me? MBA or job?money money money ? social life? Politics at work place? Family? Mahnn I feel like donkey.. and yes the best one for the last ..Is my gf too hot for me? Wait this one is even better.. was my previous gf better than this one? Dun even let me start on girls there CRAPPED ZONE is way bigger than guys varying from a dress disaster to juggling families and supporting lives and honestly they should be given a medal for that.

What I have mentioned here as levities are different forms of dilemmas and insecurities messing with our heads like an EMI ,only difference being that at least EMI has the courtesy to be due only once a month. So Guys.. When was the last time we were completely happy? I am not talking about “its weekend and its beer time “happiness but about sitting alone n feeling all set, confident, relieved, jus no worry at all happiness.

PS- exclude people who are freshly in love (they are all bombed, it’s like nirvana of happiness..Sweet or cheesy? Could never figure it out)

Please include all the people who have started working after college and are above puppy love phase.

And yet we ride the life with narrowed horizons, increasing responsibilities, monotony and hypocrisy. Is it confusion or a Nail in the butt convenience..too scared about it getting deep and too lax for the effort to get it out.

Whatever it is .. it will take more of actions and less of thinking and apparently I am too tired for both right now. All I can say is GUD Luck guys .. leap your bit and end your dilemmas.

No fancy words this time probably no poetic endings..

sheer thoughts intertwined with nothing condescending.

A subdued spirit peeping out ready to break off..

a silent corner, a laptop and a running blog..

it might sound vague, it might not lift any fog..

by all means its just a load off.. a mere load off..

SIGNING OFF.